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The Hidden Facet of Abuse

Trigger Warning: Abuse is a very sensitive and triggering topic. If you feel that reading this blog may cause you distress, please refrain from reading it. Helpline resources are shared at the end of the blog.


“There's very much a belief that abuse only happens to women, and that prevents men coming forward. It feeds into this fear they're not going to be believed."

-Michael Dix- Williams


In the simplest definition, abuse refers to any action that intentionally hurts, harms, or injures another person. An abusive relationship is characterized by imbalance of power and control. When we think of the word abuse, we have a gender stereotyped image of what a perpetrator and what a victim looks like. Due to various reasons such as shame, perceived unmanliness, failure to leave to masculine ideas, male abuse is underreported, resulting in an incomplete image of abuse.



WHAT DOES ABUSE IN MEN LOOK LIKE?

Abuse in men takes many forms such as physical abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, or intimidation tactics.

Identifying abuse in men can be a tricky task because it is often hidden and may be subtle in nature. However, there are various red flags listed below that may account for abusive behaviour:

  • Criticism, name-calling, frequent insults, condescending outlook

  • Stealing, financial withholding, controlling finances

  • Isolation, restriction, monitoring social interactions and activities

  • Throwing things, shoving, kicking, slapping, hitting, biting

  • Withholding food, shelter, clothing or medicine

  • Sexual violation, performance criticism, withholding affection or sex upon any rule-violation, forcing to engage in unwilling sexual activities

  • Destruction of property, threatening, stalking, harassment

  • Manipulation with lies, gaslighting, blame-game



BUT IF MEN DO EXPERIENCE ABUSE, AND THERE ARE SO MANY SIGNS, WHY DO WE NEVER HEAR ABOUT THESE CASES?

In a male-dominated society, attitudes and beliefs towards male abuse are very scarce, resulting in lower acceptance and empathy towards abuse victims and survivors. Quite often, the victims are unwilling to report the crimes against them as they worry that they will not be believed and no action will be taken, resulting in a worse situation for them. Other times, the fear is about how they will be perceived in the society, especially if the source of abuse is a woman.



SO, HOW DO WE AS A SOCIETY CAN WORK ON OUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS MALE ABUSE?

There are many myths associated with male abuse, and as a society, our first step would be destigmatize these myths.

  • Myth: Men are not a victim of abuse. Fact: Abuse is gender-neutral.

  • Myth: Men are not real men if they cannot take what comes their way. Fact: One does not have to prove his manliness by taking abuse.

  • Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted. Fact: Men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted as women.

  • Myth: Men don’t have access to resources like women. Fact: Resources are available for men also.